Life is full of ups and downs. Filled with joy and adventure one minute but then pain, trauma and despair feel like they are just around the corner. At the top of the mountain we declare God’s goodness, faithfulness and unconditional love. In the depths of the valley we cry out 'Why God why?' Searching for him, desperate to know his touch but feeling alone and hurting. Feeling empty with no answers - just a deafening silence. Where is God when it hurts? Turning away from God because he feels absent.
We may never know the reason why difficult things happen and the fight for freedom can feel so relentless. We look around for comfort; the bottom of a bottle, the end of a blade, drugs, food, pornography but it never heals the hurt. It brings a momentary relief and a dopamine hit. Putting a sticking plaster over the pain. We try to carry on but never feel free. Consumed by pain but alternating between the masks of perfectionism, self-protection, calm, a smile fixed to hide it all away. Papering over the cracks, desperate to keep it hidden and make it look better to the outside world.
I arrived at Together ’25 having just decided that I needed to take some time away from work due to stress and worsening depression. I felt alone, I was hurting and thought no one would even care, not even God. I arrived late to avoid talking to anyone and tried to hide at the back trying to go unseen. The tears fell and fell and kept on falling - a proper snot cry. The thoughts in my head spewing lies and deception. Then I met God and he brought people around me. They stood either side and I suddenly felt held, seen and loved. The love of his people with no words, just being there. Standing listening to the words of God spoken over me, hearing the promises and pictures shared knowing in that moment God had never left me or forsook me. He saw me and his love was for me.In that moment I knew God was holding me, loving me and caring for me.
He doesn’t look at me and see my failings. He looks at me and says 'Becky, my daughter, I see you and I choose you every day. You are the one I love.' John 3v16 says that God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son …… All my fears and failings, my mess ups and mistakes and God knowing all of that still chose to send his son for me because he chooses me and wants me to be free from all those things. His forgiveness is never just for the select few, it is for everyone! He sees our wounds and brings healing. I stood at the Together weekend this year overwhelmed at God's goodness – relating to some of the stories Jon Swales told, knowing I can testify to God's faithfulness and his unwavering love. Knowing that, over the last 20 years of highs and lows, the many many prayers asking God to bring breakthrough and freedom to my mental health, to suddenly realise that I am now living in His freedom with no conditions but knowing that through it all God had me. He never left me even when I pushed him away. He has been faithful through it all.
We are called to see the lonely, the hurting, the poor, the marginalised, the sick, the hungry. We are Jesus hands and feet. The connect café team comes alongside those who are lonely; they offer friendship and endless cups of tea. Frozen Pantry offers a home cooked meal in a moment of crisis and illness. Who let the Dads out and Coffee and Chaos build friendships and offer support. Rachel’s work through Anna’s Chaplaincy provides a prayerful ear, love and care to the older generation. All these things allow people to be held and cared for, not only in a practical way, but helping people to meet with God, to encounter Him and know they are held by Him. Only God can bring the freedom and the release from pain and hurt but we can be the practical outworking. Showing his love and holding space for those that are hurting, providing a shelter in the storm. A crack in the darkness is where the kingdom of God shines through, but the darkest day is NEVER the final day.
By Becky D